Saturday, July 28, 2007

Proverbs 16:18

For the most part I try and maintain a humble attitude. I once worked with a guy who was really egotistical, not only was it annoying, but everybody made jokes behind his back. This is reason enough to guard against pride. I have two exceptions to the rule though. I openly and unashamedly brag about my blog and my parallel parking. (If you think my blog is good, well I parallel park even better.)
This evening I headed over to Brian's house for Brifest and when I pulled up I noticed a parking spot in front of the house, some would say too small, I knew better.
Actually this story could begin several months ago when I headed over to Brian's house for another gathering. That time I also noticed a tight spot in front of his house, added bonus the one car was a classic car. Let me tell you, I parked perfectly. I come by my pride honestly because I really do have a knack for parallel parking. I went inside, ready to bask in the heady glory that such a park deserved. I made a mental note not to mention my park, it would be sweeter if somebody else pointed out my mastery and I could act nonchalant. Unfortunately the evening wore on and the subject never came up. I finally realized I would have to do the regrettable but necessary step of drawing attention to my genius.
I mentioned my park to Rochelle, she had heard rumours (re. me bragging) but had never seen proof of my skills. She went out to take a look, but the one car was gone leaving a huge space behind my car, which now was parked stupidly close to the car in front. I groaned and Brian came over to see what was wrong. I told him and he said, "Oh yeah, I saw your parking job. It was nothing special; look at how small your car is, it's easy to parallel park that thing."
I pulled up today in the rental car, a large sedan. Not only was this spot tighter than even I would normally dare I could prove once and for all that it wasn't the car, it was me that was the source of the great parking jobs. A thought momentarily crossed my mind, "the space isn't physically big enough for this car." I immediately shrugged such foolishness off as I considered the last laugh that I would have over Brian.
I made my approach backing in until I knew there was absolutely no space left behind. Switching to drive I pulled in ahead managing to get about half of the hood of my car behind the car in front, the other half was still in the street. I put it in to reverse, now realizing that I had the attention of my friends who were milling about on the front lawn. I turned the radio off, wanting no distractions, and looked back, it was far tighter than I had expected. Beads of sweat gathered as I considered how much space I had, it was tight, very tight. Brian came over, he wasn't smiling or laughing. He just told me, "You'd better stop and let Janine move her car, you're literally touching both the car in front and behind." I saw that he wasn't joking, I also saw some angry looking faces looking at me. It wasn't hard to guess whose cars I was touching. If looks could kill I wouldn't be writing this blog right now, that's for sure. Janine moved her car, I humbly pulled over to the curb, grateful that at the very least, I had brought the great pacifiers, beer and ice cream.
Normally I'm not very good at reading people's emotions but it wasn't hard this evening to realize that the one girl in particular was not very happy with me. She thought very highly of her Tiburon and not so highly of my parking. I tried to smooth the situation over by making self deprecating jokes. My extraordinary wit (OK, three exceptions) never failed to win anyone over yet... Well, that would have been a true statement yesterday.
I guess I can take solace in the fact that I still write kick-ass blogs.

Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18


PsySal said...

Oh yeah, I saw your blog. It was nothing special; look at how unintentionally comedic your lot in life is, it's easy to blog that thing.

lowenfels said...

Hehe, reminds me of my one friend Lindsay who a few years back did the craziest parallel parking job in front of wicked wedge. We still reminisce about it to this day.

Meera said...

Hahaha I love it, Ed. Well blogged. Well parked. Well self-promoted.